I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
