So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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