I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
