It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
