There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
