The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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