Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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