the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
