You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
