Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
