Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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