I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to have your abortion
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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