Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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