In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Non-Jews are for practice
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
