K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
