May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
