Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
