i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
