How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
