i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
