Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
