I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
