Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
