either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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