my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
