My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
