Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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