What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
