why didn't you poke me back
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
