I love black thongs
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
