This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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