what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
