You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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