and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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