This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
