well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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