covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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