she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
