soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
