So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Houston, we have a blender
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
