You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
