he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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