bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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