she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
