did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
