Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
