i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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