Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
