She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
