he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
