Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
