He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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